I don't know what's happening to me, because I've never felt this kind of physical lust towards someone before. I mean I've felt attracted to someone where I wish I could kiss them, I've felt undying love for someone to where I was willing to let him go because that's what he needed to do, I've felt a love hate towards someone to the point I was okay being used as a sex tool..... BUT I have NEVER, i repeat NEVER had this feeling.
It's not that I find him extremely manly, or amazingly gorgeous... He just has this crazy scent that every time I smell it I literally almost jump his bones. I don't even know what to do about it, cuz I'm having a hard time not making out with him or something much more. I am so distracted around him I barely know what's going on, all I know is I have this crazy craving in my pants that won't go away. I also know it is not me being baby crazy, because I don't like babies so much and if I did I would want to make out with every boy... not just one who has this magnificent over powering man scent.
I swear, if he does not make out with me soon... I may jump his bones.... I'm having the hardest time trying to keep myself in line... BUT it doesn't help the man I'm in love with is FARRR away and I barely talk to him... not even on a phone... it sucks so much, it makes me cry. I miss him so much, but I'm constantly afraid he doesn't miss me and he doesn't feel the same way I do about it. Sometimes it hurts so much that I just want to die, I've thought about it a few times.. Suicide, but he told me I wasn't allowed to die.. Not that he is gunna care when he gets back and remembers what I'm like but that little tiny piece of hope still lingers and it's like a burden on my chest because I have no easy button, no way out. I'm stuck here because of that small piece of hope and it pisses me off.
Someone once told me "men are created equal" that's a load of BULL CRAP. It's pretty obvious they aren't. I mean some people are made pretty and some people are made smart... but not everyone gets something. In fact most of us get the short end of the stick and get ugly+stupid... So why would someone as beautiful as him want someone as horrible as me? He wouldn't, so shouldn't I just give up?
No comments:
Post a Comment