I've been highly addicted to make up for the last 7 years. Nobody outside of my house has ever seen me without my make-up on, because I feel ugly and powerless without it. This week I made a goal not to wear make-up at all... This is literally the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Yeah it may not seem like a big deal to anyone else, but it's my addiction I do not like the way I look without make-up and right now I kinda want to go crawl in a ball and die. It's only the second day and I can't handle this. The exposure is mentally painful and it makes me feel like I am the ugliest human on the planet earth right now.
So yesterday I spent the entire day trying to get rid of this nasty face that make-up has caused my skin to have.... Today I made the mistake of inviting a guy I trust and love to come over and hang out with me... I feel so sick right now waiting for him to come over, but i know I need to do this. I need to over come my fear of people knowing who I really am. I hate make-up, it has consumed me and my life and it's pathetic that I feel like I can't go a single day without wearing it. How am I ever suppose to find someone who can love me for me if I'm always hiding behind my mask of make-up. I know I'm not exactly pretty and I know I'm not fit or anything, but I do want to be happy. I want to find someone who can see past this ugliness and see me for how I am on the inside.
At this moment I do not think it will ever happen, nobody will see past this face, but it won't stop me from trying... Even if it's just so i can learn to love myself, even though I'm not as pretty as other people. I'm me and I should learn to be me. I don't want to spend the money and time it takes to wear makeup everyday and I want my skin to be clean again. I need to do this, I need to. I just don't know if I will survive the mental hurt it will cause me this week, but I have to try.
