Maybe if I was different

Do you ever wish you could go back? Back to when times were simple. Times when people loved you and you loved them. Times when all you needed was imagination and the outdoors. Times when making friends was easy and you were suppose to be friends with everyone. When the only thing you worried about was the fact there wasn't ever enough time in the day to finish your game. When you weren't afraid to get in trouble for picking flowers at the neighbors house. When Climbing on houses and fences seemed normal and fun (well it still kind of is :P) Back when telling someone they were cute was easy because you felt invincible. What would you have done differently?
Let's start from the first thing I would change...
1. I would have never let my mom dress me for pictures
2. Kissed Mitchel Washburn not gone for Ty Sorensen
3. Dressed better
4. Stayed in touch with everyone who moved away.
5. Exercised more and took dance classes
6. Done better in the science fair
7. Made a better drama video
8. Told Brett how I felt in 7th-8th grade
9. Took dance
10. Never swear
11. Got better grades
12. Had more confidence
13. Made more dependable friends
14. Never steady dated
15. Took French
16. Been less crazy
17. Had less anger management issues.
18. Hung out with the neighbor boy less
19. Draw more
20. Took advantage of David hugging me
21. Spent less money on useless things
22. Not get in a car wreck
23. (this one is over time) make less babysitting mistakes, with nieces and neighbors.
24. Got a scholarship
25. Never been so annoyed by Tyler, Brett, and Andrew
26. Gone to college right outta high school
27. Dated Jonnie earlier
28. Looked prettier
etc.
There are so many things i wish I hadn't done, more then what I put on here, but I felt they were kind of inappropriate for this blog. >.> Anyways, just wondering what is your number one thing you would have changed? Mine is been more honest with myself and my feelings to others. I spent so many years holding in how I felt and repressing horrible things in my past. This later made me crazy angry and annoying and rude to everyone because I felt very alone and stressed. Maybe everything would be different now, if I had been different.... Maybe...

Self Esteem

Fighting your depression doesn't mean denying that you feel that way.
Depression also is never going to go away, it doesn't magically get better one day. It does get easier, but it's not magic. Fighting depression takes work, takes want. Not just the regular want, I mean hardcore down to your very last being of wanting. You have to put every little bit of strength you have into it for a very long time to make it better, but it is worth it. I'm still not completely outta my depression, but I can feel it getting better and I've been fighting this depression for my whole life. Here are some tips for things you probably have a hard time with
Self-esteem: Well sub-category this one
Looks:
Here's one I find every human being has in one way or another. Despite what you think, you're definitely not alone on this one. Even pretty stick figures have self-esteem issues, that's why they are so skinny. I could tell you to diet to make yourself feel skinnier, I could tell you to wear make-up or do little things to change the way you look... but honestly they probably won't make you happy. Yeah it will probably raise your self-esteem, but the fact is you have to work at it. Dieting and changing the way you look takes time and is a life time commitment, the second you stop you will probably go back to the old you. What you need to do is accept that you are who you are, for good or for bad you have to be you. Eventually someone will look at you differently then you do and think you're amazingly good looking, because everyone is different. We all like different stuff, so whose to say if you're not "pretty?" What even is pretty? What society says? Who are they to decide what is the best and what everyone should like, no 2 people are the same.... so doesn't that mean everyone is technically pretty just in their own way? YES IT DOES. You are good looking and people can see that, so try to remind yourself that.
Traits:
You probably don't feel like your good at anything or good enough to do anything. Guess what? Everyone feels this way too! The worst part about this one is it takes work. Saying your not good at something just means your to lazy to try. Talent doesn't just pop outta the ground it takes work and yeah you'll mess up but ya gotta push forward. The only thing you're doing by saying you suck at everything is stopping yourself from trying cuz you're to lazy or to scared of both. Yeah you may be scared, but you gotta move through that and push forward otherwise you will be stuck where you are forever. YOU HAVE TO TRY TO SUCCEED. If you need help, again like I said in another post, I'm always here for you.
The best thing to remember every day is that you are special and that life could be worse, that you actually got better then you think you did. You have a world at your feet, use it. You have so much to give and to offer us let us see what you can really do, because I believe you can be amazing if you just put your mind to it. YOU ARE AMAZING!

Friends

This post in gunna be short cuz it's just a small thought I had today.
Be friends with people who like what you like about yourself.
Be friends with people who like all of you, not just the parts they choose to see/accept.
But remember this isn't a one way street. You can't be friends with someone you don't fully like, because eventually that "small" thing that you find to be a flaw will end that relationship you have.

Be You!

I know what I want outta this life, I wanna make a difference, I want to help people figure out who they are and how much they actually matter. With all this crazy worldly worthless stuff in the world, people get easily distracted by stupid little things, like beauty, when they need to focus on what actually matters, themselves.
People think because they aren't the prettiest, the smartest, the most talented human being that they aren't important. They see themselves as average, to normal to be special... but they forget we're like snowflakes. No 2 people are exactly the same, even if we're similar we don't all think the same and we definitely don't look the same or grow up in the same places, but there is one thing we all have in common... we are all very important. I don't know why we're important or why we all matter, I just know we do. Everyone is, even you... though most people who think the opposite will brush it off and think "well this doesn't apply to me"... What makes you think you're so different, so horrible, so disgusting that you aren't important?
You're not abnormally ugly, even if you think so, doesn't mean it's true.
You're not abnormally stupid, everyone even if they don't know it have talents. Whether you have an AMAZING talent is based on what you want. If you want to be an artist, go trace pictures, go look up how to draw, go take drawing classes. I don't want the excuse of "I just suck at it" EVERYONE sucks at it in the beginning, I know I couldn't draw when I first started, but if you practice at whatever you want YOU CAN BE GOOD AT IT. I swear on my life, no the life of everyone I love, that practice actually does make perfect, it's cliche but it's true.
People easily get the "I can't" thought stuck in their head, I can't be as good at singing as David Bowie, I can't act as amazingly as Heath Ledger, I can't dance as pretty as Anna Pavlova, I can't draw as brilliantly as Picasso, I can't, I can't, I can't. Guess what! You can if you stop saying you can't all the time. Saying I can't is just a silly excuse to not try, if you put everything you have into something and stop worrying about failing and worrying about if you'll be better then everyone else. As long as you're trying as hard as you possibly can and enjoy what you're doing, you can be and do whatever you want. Stop complaining about how you have such a horrible life and how you're at the bottom, because we all know you're better then that. We know how much potential you have and how much you truly matter and all any of us who care want, is for you to succeed. I want to see you smile and to enjoy your life, and to live up to what I know you can succeed. Get rid of your fears, because if you fail I'll still be here to catch you, I'll always be here for you, because I love you for you always and forever.

Individuality

If you're just like me, you probably get easily depressed or discouraged, feeling at times that you're doing nothing right and you're worthless. I don't know if this works for everyone, but I find the easiest way to get rid of these feelings is to get gussied up, grab a bunch of friends and go out to eat or go bowling or do just something fun with them in public. Not only does it get you out of your house, but you'll also feel better about yourself and build a stronger relationship with friends. If you don't have friends, you may think it's hard to make them, but honestly it's not. You just say random crap to people and if they respond in a positive way it's cuz you 2 match and should probably be friends. Your soul was designed to find people like you, you'll know when you meet them whether or not you 2 would make a good friendship.
Anyways, so why take the time to look pretty? Because when you do you'll find that you have more self-esteem and because it will make you feel better. Seriously makes a world of difference. Try it I dare ya, at first it will feel strange because you probably aren't use to it... but after you get over the initial shock of looking so amazingly gorgeous, well you already are gorgeous, but I'm talking more then usual... You seriously will have crazy amounts of self-esteem and you will feel happier. :D
If you don't have money to spend for going out somewhere, make yourself a nice picnic or pretend to have a tea party.. Yeah that seems pretty stupid and wussy, but honestly it's weirdly fun and it makes you feel unique and interesting. The more unique and individualized you feel the better, you'll be happier.