Emptiness, tell me what you think it means. :P

Crappity of being a friend

I realized today how much of a crappy friend I really am. I'm the worst. I just criticize you and criticize you 'til you can't take any more and decide to leave. It is possible that I just need to be taken off this planet, maybe I would be doing the world a favor if I did. Or maybe instead I can just disappear. Never to be seen or heard from again, then at least everyone can live a life where I didn't ruin it. I push everything to far. I have no boundaries. I need to get them, it's really affecting people around me. I predict that in a few short years my friends will leave me and forget that I ever existed or at least try to forget me, and I hope they all can.
If I had one wish right now it would be that everyone would forget I existed and they I could go live a life with no one in it. I don't want to hurt any more people. I don't want people to cry because of me. I don't want people to die because of me. Life would definitely be a better place if I wasn't in it at all. I have a quote that I wrote one day... "The world would be a better place if humans weren't in it." I believe now that it should be "The world would be a better place if I weren't in it." Maybe then everything would be all right. I know that I don't start world wars, and that I don't affect anything everyone else is doing. But if I hurt one more person I don't think I can take anything more, that means I would be affecting one persons life in a negative way and this world already being negative enough doesn't need me to help it. I think it's almost time for me to just Disappear.

my poem

Life,
it's almost not worth living,
just trying to survive,
all the hate around their eyes,
burning your soul,
making you cry,
some may take their lives,
it will hurt on the inside,
they may be depressed,
but it doesn't matter what,
all that needs to be known,
is this,
your hatred eyes,
accusing mouth,
abusive hands,
false believing ears,
will tare the world apart,
which is why,
life,
is almost not worth living.

Awkward boy

So Friday I had the most awkwardest day at work ever!
So, it starts out like all the other work days. I walk in and go over and set my stuff on the place I want to sit (by Kirsten). But Kristen (my supervisor) was there. So this lady there says that she wants to train a few of us for banking calls. I'm like, cool whatever....
So three of us go into the banking room. The first kid is named Brayden he is kind of larger and freaks me out. The second guy is this brand new kid that I had never seen before (I don't know his name) he has this weird ball cut hair-style and a random skunk white street in the front. Anyways, were in their for about an hour and I am pretty outspoken so of course everyone knew who I was. Then finally it ended and we go out and we start doing calls for banking. I was sitting next to that kid with the ball cut hair, because some stupid kid named CJ stole my seat next to Kirsten.
So, were doing calls and stuff, and the supervisor lady said something and so I turn to the kid with the ball cut hair.... bad idea.... he apparently thought I was flirting or something, but in actuallity I wanted to know what she said... So weird. Anyways, so CJ had left so I go and sit by Kirsten.
I'm there for about 10 minutes when the kid with the funny skunk hair comes up to me and we have the following conversation:
"Hi."
"Hi?"
"I need your help with something"
*nodd*
"I have this extra quarter (also for all that don't know soda at my work costs 25 cents) and I need it to get used up, do you think you could do that for me?"
*tilt head*
He then leaves and gets food. Once he's far enough away that he can't hear any of us we all bust out laughing. Brayden then said," Oh my gosh! He was so flirting with you.... so awkward."
Kirsten then says," Creepy stalker man."
I just laughed and sat their awkwardly deciding what to do. They all decide I should go buy the soda why he is still in back, so I do. We cross paths and he waves and I awkwardly thank him.
Yep, that's about it.

Dreaming

The other day I had a very weird dream about school. In my dream I was in my English teacher's classroom (Mr. Beeson). Also, in the library was the Latin 2 class, which just happen to have a lot of my friends in it. Anyways, we were sitting there in class when Mr. Beeson stands up and announces that we are going to watch a movie. He then tells Ellie and I that we can leave if we don't want to watch the movie. So she stood up and I followed her to the door. Before we went out the door Mr. Beeson pulls out these two cans of mountain dews. He then hands them to us. We almost left when he pulled out a smaller container of something. We took it and went into the library. Once in the library we get out some cups and poor the mountain dew into the cups. When then look at the little bottle and realize that it's vadka! so what does Ellie do? She poors the entire thing into her cup! I get really mad at her for not sharing and poor her drink into mine and mixed them together. Then we both drank it all down. What happens from there was really blurry so i don't really remember, but I do remember walking down the hallway back to class and it was really blurry and I couldn't walk straight. I also remember looking down to find Ellie passed out.
Anyways! That's all my dream....

Those days

Do you ever have those days where you feel like everything is going wrong and nothing is ever going to go right? Well I'm going to tell you right now, most of the time it doesn't get better, but I can promise you that you can deal with it. I had a day where I had a test in every class, and I hadn't studied at all. I also had a presentation which was a disaster because of the people in my group! I also went home and was forced to work around my house. I then forgot to wash my pants so I had to stay up til 1 just to wash them. I then had to wake up at 5 the next day to go to seminary! I was so pissed off by that time i just started crying. I'm going to tell you right now, when you get this way the only thing you can do is SLEEP. I promise, it cures everything. Anytime I get angry or sad I eat, but that doesn't help; I call friends, that doesn't help; but sleeping does. You just feel so relieved! TRY IT!

Friends

So today I was thinking about this. In elementary school I never actually had a friend that lasted over a year. Every year I made new friends, and I haven't kept any of my friends from elementary. Which is really weird because I haven't lost any of my friends sense 7th grade now.
Also, I was thinking about my best friends I have had sense elementary school.
1st grade Mitchel was my best friend; he moved the next year.
2nd grade Hannah was my best friend; she transferred schools.
4th grade Sarah was my best friend; she moved.
5th grade Chenoa was my best friend; she moved.
6th grade Ashley was my best friend; we just stopped talking the next year.
7th grade I made friends with Shelby, Brett, Raymie, Erika, Victoria, David, Rikki, Erika, Aeon, Sena, Melissa, Stephanie, Courtney, etc. and I am still friends with all of them! THIS IS SO MESSED UP!!!! Oh and guess what else! I just found out my new best friend is moving! That's right ANDREW is moving! (most likely) Though I told him he can't leave, but he said he might have to, even though he would still go to our school he would be living farther away! I can't take that!