So I've been thinking about why I feel so upset about what happened yesterday. I mean stuff like that has happened many times in my life. I think the part that bothered me was the fact one of the people I looked up to and who I thought was mature and actually understood life was Alex. To find out I was wrong, and that he wasn't the person I always pictured him to be shattered my reality. Stuff like that I would always get from Kalicia and Myles.... but rarely did I get from Alex and never to that extent. The moment he told me he didn't want me there anymore... well that was my breaking point. That was the moment I knew I didn't belong in my family. Hearing it from Alex was hard for me... but the fact was that week I had actually been trying to be part of that family, and hearing him yell that at me made me finally realize I wasn't and I will never be good enough for them.
I think I've finally reach the point of no return. I either start a new life soon or end my previous one. I only have a few months in which this can happen, so if it doesn't happen soon my journey will have to end, because I can't live like this. You can only cry and have your crappy life thrown in your face so many times before you get to the point of no return. I know I have thought this before about how my life couldn't get any worse... but honestly at this point I'm 98% sure that this life couldn't get to much crappier. This kind of pain is getting harder and harder to bare... Right now I have a crutch, but in a few months it will be removed and unless my life has hard core turn around, I'm screwed. At that point it will have to end, because I will have no realistic choices left... not even a little one.
1 comment:
To clarify I mean I would become a hobo or a prostitute, they have no lives and nothing in their lives.
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